I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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