just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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