I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
