I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
