You're completely useless in the revolution.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
