You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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