my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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