did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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