wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
