i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
