Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
