Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
