Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We had sex on a dog bed..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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