I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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