Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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