i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
