you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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