yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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