have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
