Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
