Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
