I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
