if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
