woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
