White coat. Heels.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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