so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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