everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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