I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
