would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
