nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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