if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
