maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
