Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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