I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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