I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
