those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize