I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
