arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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