totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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