I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
