There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize