meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize