Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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