So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
