Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
