her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
