Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
