i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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