I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
