I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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