She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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