It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
