I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
