You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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