I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
