i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
