...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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