margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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