I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
