I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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