theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
