Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
