i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dicks are not precious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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