when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
