went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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