he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
