Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
