Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
