Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
