im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
